10 Things.
Sometimes the best I can do is make a list. When everything feels loud inside I dump my swirling thoughts onto paper. Allowing them to take physical space somehow frees mental space. Even simple packing lists alleviate pressure. As a child living in two homes, I planned my outfits for the week (including jewelry and hair styles) on Mondays. The resulting list was immensely satisfying. This week I am allowing myself to make my written offering in list form.
Below are 10 things on my mind this week. In trying to balance “recognition of what is” with an intentionally positive focus, I’ll name 7 things that build me up, and 3 that weigh me down.
Mindless TV. Specifically everything in the 90 Day Fiancé Universe. I love the cringe-worthy cultural collisions! They make the shows interesting enough, without requiring any emotional or mental effort.
Kroger Frosted Sugar Cookies (esp the pink ones). The cookie is almost unthinkably soft, delectably salty, with the perfect match of sugary icing. I refuse to eat anything that is neither delicious nor healthy, so I’m kinda snobby with dessert. This cookie saves the day by being reliable and readily available!
Working at My Mom’s House. This is one of few places where I can just be. No germs. No clutter. No crying/whining/screaming/ all-the-other-beautiful&grating-child-noises.
Eating at My Mom’s House. Yes, my mommy still feeds me. After living in separate states for 13 years, eating her home cooked food is a treat for my body and soul.
Elastic Waist Bands. Why did I spend so many years in uncomfortable clothes??? I can count (on my fingers) the number of times I wore jeans in the last 18 months, and there is NO going back! I now spend 70% of my time in PJ pants, 25% in leggings/joggers, and 5% in skirts/dresses/pants-with-zippers.
Cuddling a Sleepy Kiddo. One of my favorite routines is putting P to bed. She always protests for a few minutes, but eventually I’m holding a soft warm sleepy baby, taking slow peaceful sleepy breaths. My body calms instinctively.
My Room. That’s right - I have my own room and I LOVE IT! All my craft supplies are neatly organized, my work desk is ready to go, and my chaise is covered with cozy. And the best part is - it all STAYS that way! I don’t know when/why it was decided that married people don’t need their own space, but I firmly disagree (more on this later).
My Blotchy Skin. I guess you could say that I’m built for authenticity. I’ve always been a terrible liar, and so is my skin. I break out when I’m stressed, then I scratch, and break out more. I can’t pretend I’m “fine” when my skin is red and agitated, so why bother trying.
My Marriage. Maybe all marriages are hard, I wouldn’t know, but I do know that mine feels especially heavy right now. It’s as if we’re walking on cobblestones. Some steps are even and steady, and then out of nowhere we slip, we fall, we’re hurt, and who knows how long we’ll be limping.
Sleep. Some nights P sleeps 10 or more hours, and others she can hardly manage 10 minutes by herself. Add in the 4-year-old-wild-card (who is usually fine, until the random midnight puke-fest), plus my tendency toward insomnia, and the nights become quite unpredictable.
That is my truth this week. Sometimes the best you can do is name it - the exquisite, the ugly, and the complicated.
A simple and satisfying work-day lunch at my mom’s house.
