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Maybe you didn’t get to choose your mystery-meat lunches, but you can choose the legacy that migration leaves for the next generation.

Maybe you like the sea-glass version of yourself that has been polished by years of cultural collisions. And maybe you prefer the more jagged edges of a bottle newly deposited on shore. Maybe, like me, your truth is somewhere in between - some edges polished and translucent, others raw and bright. Either way, I hope you will recognize yourself in these stories and find community within these virtual walls.

Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

I Stand with Ukraine.

Our customers were so eager to claim their nationality, but me - I’m ashamed of mine. They’re fighting to hold onto their native land, but mine rejected us generation after generation.

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

The Dress.

Back then if you would have made me an honest bet- 10 years married or 1 year divorced- the smart money would have been on the latter.

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

Bifurcated.

But when there are weekly events that could be yearly hallmarks - what is there to say?

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

Lovable.

P is in a newly self-conscious phase where every reproach leads to tears as she whimpers, “are you mad at me?”.

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

What am I so afraid of?

These worries seem reasonable, and largely remediable. But they aren’t proportional to the furry. Hence I wonder, what am I AFRAID of?

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

Where is the magic?

What if light switches inspired wonder? If I reach back far enough I can almost recall a version of myself who marveled at it all.

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

What will they remember?

Six weeks pass, and we review together. I’m holding my breath, hoping that something - anything - stuck.

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

Learning to Thrive.

In any case, these are the messages I inherited. This is the current I’m steering against. Some days I succeed in redirecting my ship, and other days I don’t.

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

The (almost) Insider.

We were told over and over again that we’re not Russian, so even in the US, Jewish and non-Jewish folk from Russia feel separate. This makes finding “people like me” especially elusive.

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

The Outsider.

At first I thought this was a cultural thing. Of course I have strong associations with being an outsider… I’m literally from outside these borders.

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

Disappear.

This time I was also deep in the well, so I couldn’t reach down and pull her up. So this time I just hold her, and we cry together.

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

My Card.

I never imagined it was possible, or even desirable, to blend the personal and professional. I drew thick lines in the sand of my identities.

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

A Letter to Myself.

I know you’re scanning, second guessing, self-assessing. I know you’re scared.

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

Stepping Stones.

Theoretically the last decade should have shown me that M isn’t going anywhere, that disagreement doesn’t equate to dissolution, but it’s not that simple. Those entrenched pathways are still there, beckoning us to familiar painful patterns.

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

Just Like Mama.

Most days I feel like I’m barely keeping the predictability beast at bay. It beckons to constant tidying, researching, and micro-managing. Adding in J’s predictability beast has proved challenging.

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

The Self-Care Narrative.

I had the whole day off, a radically precious gift, and it still wasn’t enough. How am I STILL so short tempered? Why am I always frustrated? What is wrong with me?!?

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Irena Y. Shwayder Irena Y. Shwayder

Their stories, Our parables.

Her stories became the parables of my youth, preaching vigilance, distrusting comfort and complacency. I knew in my bones that life was perilous, so you hold tight to your family.

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