Pick Your Battles.

In our family Fridays are affectionately known as Mommy Daughter Days. I cut back to part-time work when my eldest was born, so Friday has always been our special day together. We look forward to a day filled with special outings and crafts - or at least we used to. When my second was born (in March 2020) I started to dread Mommy Daughter Days.

Between postpartum hormones and the pandemic, I was emotionally and physically depleted. Mommy Daughter Days became me bouncing from one need/demand to the next, until my body started shaking to remind me that I have needs of my own. It turns out that in my body, breastfeeding equates to sudden drops in blood sugar when I’m hungry. So yes, I was literally shaking.

This is not another post about “putting your own oxygen mask on first.” Yes, you have to take care of yourself to take care of others {cue eye roll}. The truth is that in real turbulence, most parents’ instinct will be to yank that elastic band around their child first. If that wasn’t the case our species wouldn’t survive. So if putting our own needs first is just plain unrealistic, how do you juggle? In all honesty, I don’t know. I’m supposed to be expert and I don’t have the answer. What follows is simply what works for me - at least for now.

I pick my battles. Typically this phrase refers to battles with one’s children. But on Fridays, I’m intentionally choosing which battles to fight (or not fight) with myself. Previous match-ups include: TV v. Make believe, Apple v. Cheetos, Creativity v. Cleanliness, and Take-out v. Savings Account. All week I fight these battles in my head, debating whether to make the prudent or convenient choice. On Fridays I stick with one simple question, “what will help us enjoy each other?” On Fridays, I let go of concerns about junk food, waste, and finances, and focus on what brings us joy. That doesn’t mean I’m making unhealthy choices all day long, but it does mean that I’m not agonizing about those choices. Take lunch for example. My mom usually makes us a big container of veggie-filled soup for the week, so making a healthy choice for lunch is easy. But by 3pm we’re all hitting that mid-afternoon low, and there are no leftovers in the fridge. Cue take-out! 

So I guess that’s my answer - be gentle with yourself. Maybe some moms out there find it easy to make a delicious healthy meal on the spot. Maybe they even include the kiddos for bonus points. Maybe instead they battle an inner-voice that questions their use of screen-time. Whatever the topic, I suspect we all battle an inner-mom critic about something. For me, those battles were pulling me away from the main event - being present with my daughters. And while making future-oriented choices is an important part of parenting, so is making memories. On Fridays I take care of myself by making convenient choices so we can enjoy one another. 

Now, you’ll have to excuse me… the girls are waking and the pizza is here!

Mommy Daughter Day Activity - Rainbow Snow!