Supporting Actress.

The award for Best Supporting Actress suggests that supporting is a feat in and of itself. The skills needed to excel as a supporting character are not the same as those needed by the lead. My instinct tells me that the same is true off-screen.

Women have historically been cast as supporting characters. We go around orchestrating play dates and issuing trash-day reminders so that our loved ones can be stars. We are often the Best Supporting Actresses in our homes. But what if we want to be the lead in our lives? What if the Best Supporting Actress wants her own damn story-line??

I’ve been reflecting on this a lot lately. Inherently, the lead actor/actress is the one with all the drama… the story-line revolves around their wins and losses. In our family I am rarely (if ever) the center of the story. There is always SO much drama in our periphery, that sometimes it feels like all four of us have been cast in supporting roles. We’re constantly rallying for someone else’s scare or surgery. We’re at the epicenter of someone else’s frenetic tornado, navigating their epic frustrations and unexpected victories. And as you might have guessed, the story has stalled in the midst of unparalleled struggle. This is when the Best Supporting Actress gets to shine, but for how long? Are we talking weeks, months, years, or DECADES??

I strive to excel in supporting (though I have a lot to learn). I wholeheartedly value being of service. But at the same time, I want some of that support for my own plot twists. I kept waiting and supporting, then waiting some more. I guess I imagined that if I won Best Supporting Actress, the team would turn to me and say, “it’s your turn for tumult and glory!”.

But no, I’ve been typecast. No one will ever see me as the lead unless I create my own spotlight.

That’s the empowering one-liner I’m supposed to end with.

In reality, creating my own spotlight leaves less time to hold another’s, and I have no desire to put that down. Maybe I’m missing something, but it feels impossible to be as effective in a supporting role if I’m also pursuing my own arc. So I’m genuinely wondering: can we be the Best Supporting Actress AND be our own leads, or does excelling as a supporter necessarily mean relinquishing other aspirations? 

How many days of the week/year is the Best Supporting Actress expected to stay squarely in that role, and how many days can she spend filming her own story?